Bisexual women face a unique struggle to gain respect for their sexuality. I want to set the record straight (no pun intended) and explain that we are not lesbians in denial, threesome-loving sexual adventurers, confused, experimenting, or trying to impress men by acting out their lesbian fantasies.

Lesbians and gay men have already passed one hurdle on the road to acceptance; their sexual orientation is recognized as socially legitimate. While lesbians may be subject to more criticism and homophobia than bisexual women, this is simply because, for most people, bisexuality doesn’t exist. Most contemporary men disregard bisexuality in females as nothing more than a fleeting erotic fantasy, and many women seem to view it in the same light. On the face of it, we seem to be widely accepted in Western society. No one looks at me strangely if I hold hands with another woman, or seems disgusted when I mention a female partner. Why? Has bisexual behaviour been accepted because contemporary society has reached its full progressive potential, because it has been delivered from shameful stereotypes and can bask in the warm glow of acceptance? Well, no.

The heterosexual population accommodates us because men view girl-on-girl action, particularly in the bisexual community, as a form of entertainment, a game us females play for the sake of the men we’re really seeking to impress. It seems to be the general consensus that while kissing another girl might provide a fun, frivolous diversion, at the end of the day, a bisexual woman still likes men. Clearly, then, any kind of sexual activity a woman partakes in must ultimately be for the benefit of her male counterparts. Or so the story goes…

Bisexual girls are often subject to more unwanted praise than criticism from their male peers. We seem to provide a real-life opportunity for the kind of woman-on-woman action seen in male-orientated pornography, where the man invariably steps in at the end to reap the benefits of not one, but two, sexually charged women. This well-worn scenario implicitly conveys a powerful, but ultimately harmful message: deep down, bisexual females favour men over women; a woman-to-woman pairing may make for fun foreplay, but the picture is incomplete without a male counterpart. They are “confused”, and need a reminder of who’s really in charge sexually. The lesbianism that is the stuff of so many male fantasies sees men playing a vital role even if this role is not explicit. The role of a spectator is just as significant, because it implies a male-based rationale underlying the phenomenon of bisexual relationships.

Unfortunately, many straight girls indulge this male fantasy by kissing other girls as an erotic display for men. The Oxford Facebook group “Girls Kissing” was created by two men, and showcases 18 examples of popular straight girls kissing each other. A quick search on Facebook brings up 111 groups with the words ‘girls’ and ‘kissing’ in the tagline, and the vast majority of these groups are in the same spirit as their Oxford equivalent. Among them are “Drunk Girls That Kiss Aren’t Lesbians” and “Girls kissing Girls” where male and female members proposition each other for sex on the wall. In the latter group, one boy has posted: “Bi chicks are better, cause that means they like dick… and what do you know… I have a dick”. Another post purports that “with bi chicks you can have the pleasure of watching them make out with another hot girl, or you can have the pleasure of sex with them ’cause they like dick too. And they would like threesomes.” [1] The frequency with which ‘bisexual’ is read as ‘enjoys threesomes’ is surprising to say the least, especially since our generation claims to be the most supportive of monogamous bisexual and homosexual relationships. Do all straight women enjoy threesomes with two men? Are monogamous bisexual relationships a disguise for any manner of bacchanalian inclinations?

One has merely to turn to the music industry for answers to these questions. The infamous kiss between Madonna and Britney Spears in 2003 seems to be an instance of the phenomenon described above—straight girls kissing for male attention. Perhaps the most blatant eroticisation of a relationship between two girls was the creation of the band t.A.T.u. The group, a manufactured pop duo, sung about Sapphic love and kissed in the rain dressed as schoolgirls in the accompanying video. The video clearly incorporated themes from pornography aimed at men, and the girls appeared in provocative poses in men’s magazines, such as Maxim and FHM. A documentary on the band later revealed that both members of t.A.T.u. are in fact heterosexual and confirmed that the lesbian image was a marketing strategy to attract straight men.

As the Facebook group proclaims, drunk girls who kiss are not (necessarily) lesbians, nor are most of them bisexual. Bisexual women are not simply a creation of male sexual fantasy, or straight women attempting to enact this fantasy, but women with a real romantic or sexual interest in people of either sex. Ever since Alfred Kinsey articulated the theory that sexual orientation is most accurately viewed as a continuum, with homosexuality and heterosexuality at the end-points, it has been widely accepted by the academic and scientific communities that this is the case. In fact, in studies of sexual behaviour that have included bisexuality, the incidence of bisexuality has been found to be at least as high as the incidence of homosexuality [2].

Bisexuals make up a significant minority of the population, perhaps a larger group than homosexuals, and yet, they are invisible in our society. Trying to research bisexuality will quickly reveal this relative invisibility; the number of articles in newspapers, magazines and academic journals that mention homosexuality vastly outnumber those that mention bisexuality. For example, in 1999, the Social Sciences Abstract Database on Wilson Web listed 1122 articles mentioning “homosexuality” and just 87 mentioning “bisexuality” [2]. Our news, popular culture, and even our academic resources, continue to ignore the reality of a spectrum of sexual orientation.

It is frustrating trying to establish credibility for my sexuality. In some respects, being bisexual is harder than being gay, simply because any sexual encounters with men serve to reinforce an obstinate belief that, deep down, I want a penis. I know that my sexual relations with men in no way undermine my capacity to be attracted to women or take precedence over relations with women, and yet in the eyes of most men they do just that. Meanwhile, studies continue to show that most lesbians believe bisexual women are simply lesbians who, for one reason or another, are denying their true sexuality [3]. We are encouraged to choose one end of the sexuality continuum or the other. Even in LGBT circles, bisexual individuals are often resented for their close relationship with the heterosexual world [4]. This is perhaps understandable when one considers how the LGBT community originated. The rise of the lesbian and gay movement towards the end of the twentieth century resulted in the specific development of community identities based on sexuality, and the idea that there are fundamental differences between heterosexuals and homosexuals is the reason why gay people are regarded as a homogeneous minority, analogous to an ethnic group. But this supposed dichotomy between gay and straight people leaves bisexuals in an awkward position.

Clearly there are some similarities of experience between lesbian and bisexual women, but bisexual women threaten the otherwise stable cultural and political lesbian identity that relies on viewing homosexuals and heterosexuals as stable, distinct groups with distinct interests. As a result, within the lesbian community, there is a great deal of acrimony towards bisexual women, and doubt is often expressed as to whether bisexuality even exists. Of course this attitude is not harnessed against every lesbian relationship a bisexual woman may wish to undertake, but studies suggest that three-quarters of lesbians refuse to date bisexual women, three-quarters prefer not to befriend bisexual women, and between 75% and 83% trust other lesbians more than they do bisexual women on political issues [3].

Bisexuality is generally conceived as a transitional phase, an attempt to deny one’s homosexuality, or a theatrical performance. When it comes to gender and sexuality, most people find it easier to accept clear, polarised identities, and it is the transgender, genderqueer and bisexual members of the queer community that have the hardest time carving out a cultural identity for themselves. The similarity between the experiences of trans individuals and bisexuals is discussed in “Bisexuality in the United States: A Social Science Reader” by Paula Rust. Both types of identity blur the distinctions between established categories and so are psychologically, socially and politically threatening to individuals who feel the basis for their “quasi-ethnic” communities being damaged [5]. In a society that encourages identification as either gay or straight, many bisexual people will relate to New York comedian, The Dandy Man. In his essay for this year’s LGBT pride march, he wrote: “Most of my childhood and half my teenage years I thought I was confused. Now I know that I am bisexual.” [6]

Bisexual women are ‘celebrated’ by men on Facebook and in real life, while many of us find ourselves unable to truly be proud of our sexuality, finding it easier to identify as straight or gay instead. Popular culture virtually ignores us, except where sexualised images can be used to appeal to a straight male audience. In an increasingly tolerant age, bisexual women remain misunderstood, misrepresented, and disrespected by both gay and straight communities.

Alex has recently completed a Maths and Philosophy degree at Oxford. When not getting righteously angry about a wide variety of social issues she enjoys yoga, vegan cooking, and looking after her pet stick insects.

FURTHER REFERENCES

Kenji Yoshino. “The Epistemic Contract of Bisexual Erasure.” Stanford Law Review,
vol. 52, 2000.

Paula C. Rust. “The Politics of Sexual Identity: Sexual Attraction and Behaviour
among Lesbian and Bisexual Women.” Social Problems, vol. 39, 1992.

Salvador Vidal-Ortiz. “A World of Its Own: Not The Best of Both Worlds.” The
Journal of Sex Research, vol. 38, 2001.

Sharon Dale Stone. “Bisexual Women and the ‘Threat’ to Lesbian Space: Or What If
All the Lesbians Leave?” Frontiers: A Journal of Women’s Studies, vol.16, 1996.

SOURCES

[1] http://www.facebook.com
[2] Kenji Yoshino, The Epistemic Contract of Bisexual Erasure, Stanford Law Review, vol. 52, 2000
[3] Paula C. Rust, The Politics of Sexual Identity: Sexual Attraction and Behaviour among Lesbian and Bisexual Women, Social Problems, vol. 39, 1992
[4] Sharon Dale Stone, Bisexual Women and the ‘Threat’ to Lesbian Space: Or What If All the Lesbians Leave?, Frontiers: A Journal of Women’s Studies, vol.16, 1996
[5] Salvador Vidal-Ortiz, A World of Its Own: Not The Best of Both Worlds, The Journal of Sex Research, vol. 38, 2001
[6] http://www.myspace.com/funny_bi_nature_prod